Business and Real Estate Law in Colorado
Business and Real Estate Law in Colorado
SANTA CLAUS SERVICES AGREEMENT
THIS AGREEMENT, by and between Santa Claus (“Santa”) and Children of all ages (“Recipients”), is for the continuation of traditional holiday gift determination and delivery services.
WHEREAS, Santa provides behavior monitoring, gift preference detection and holiday gift delivery services;
WHEREAS, This ubiquitous bringer of toys for girls and boys has received complaints regarding both service quality and service coverage areas;
WHEREAS, New challenges to providers of these services include air traffic congestion, global warming, heightened security, privacy concerns and huge rate increases for health insurance;
WHEREAS, The Parties want to address the challenges and continue services; and
WHEREAS, Recipients really want some cool stuff from Santa, and probably won’t even read this.
NOW THEREFORE, in consideration of the foregoing premises, and the mutual covenants contained herein, and other good and valuable consideration, the undersigned agree as follows:
1. Parties: A) Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas and Kris Kringle, is a well known industrialist, philanthropist, keeper-of-lists, itinerant gift-giver and provider of joy. A North Pole resident, he is the iconic embodiment of holiday benevolence and largess. Santa services are provided by Santa and/or his agents, representatives, employees, elves or helpers (all known as Santa’s “Helpers”). B) Recipients of services are Children of all ages, their families, friends and co-workers.
2. Services: Santa and Helpers shall provide the following Services:
A) Behavior Monitoring: Santa monitors children’s behavior 24/7, determining naughty or nice with patented “Knows When You’re Awake” and “You Better Watch Out!” technology.
B) Gift Preference Detection: Gift preferences are tracked using sophisticated detection systems, including listening to what children say, and reading their letters.
C) Conditional Gift Selection and Delivery: Santa selects and timely delivers gifts with a twinkle in his eye and a twitch of his nose, using proprietary algorithms that consider gift preference, naughty or nice determination, inventory and weather patterns. Santa may substitute climate-friendly items for the traditional lump of coal.
3. Compensation: A) For Santa: Santa and Helpers do not charge for their services, though contributions are appreciated, including an occasional kind word and a glass of mead. (Santa’s scriveners can be appreciated at NorthPoleLegal.com.) B) For Others: Recipients agree to become Santa’s Helpers, to help those in need and to follow the pledge: I will keep Santa’s spirit in my heart and my soul, to hold and to share as I live and grow old; I’ll bring goodness to others throughout every year, and give of myself with love and good cheer.
4. Waiver of Liability: Parties waive all liability and release each other from anything and everything, and will not sue or cry over: A) Damages incurred during delivery, such as to roof shingles, shrubbery, sleigh tracks on lawn, reindeer droppings, ribbons in trees, chimney soot on carpets or bathroom towels, disturbances from reindeer games, Rudolph’s nose so bright, broken cookies or spilled milk. B) Failure to receive desired gift, or any gift, could be due to any reason or no reason at all, and Recipient agrees to practice gratitude and count one’s blessings. C) Others may or will receive gifts that you think are better than yours; this is illusory since the essence of a gift is the intention of the giver and not the object given, and Santa really loves you.
6. Disambiguation Clause: Santa is what you believe, and not what someone tells you. Santa is what’s in your heart, rather than what comes down the chimney. Others may believe differently, and that’s OK.
7. Additional Terms: A) Services require belief in Santa Claus. B) Elves and Helpers are retained to assist Santa regardless of race, religion, national origin, gender or sexual orientation, however, elves must be elves, and Helpers need to help. C) Despite being tracked by NORAD, Santa flies as much as possible below the radar concerning all government regulation. D) Santa is not licensed to operate anywhere, files no tax returns, and is not a corporation, charity, church or government. E) Service in your area may require local Santa’s Helpers. F) Damages to North Pole operations due to global warming may impact quality of services.
8. Contract Changes: Santa is magical, and can change this contract at any time, though you can’t. Updates and other terms can be found at NorthPoleLegal.com, where Santa’s scriveners toil and trouble.
9. Date: Santa is timeless, love is enduring, and giving nourishes the soul, so the date isn’t that important.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties hereto have signed this Agreement as of the date set forth above.
Recipients: Children of All Ages Santa Claus (by a local Santa’s Helper)
(c) 2007 d.g.walder